I've realized

I realized who I am... I'm not good enough to be a husband yet and not good enough to be in a relationship now.. God knows that I will be going through this now.. No job.. No money.. And my hand condition like this.. I'm not fit to be anybodys boyfriend right now.. Wait till I get my job that is stable and then I will consider into getting a relationship... This time round, it's not going to be a Malay girl.. I'm hurt by them a lot of time.. Along the way, if the girl doesn't mind my current condition and situation, I will consider her too.. All the past I'm letting go and I have to let it go.. I'm not getting any younger.. I miss working in the zoo but I have to get out of my comfort zone there.. Nurul is still very young and I believe I've made the right decision in letting her go.. If not she will suffer with me.. My shoulder still in pain now.. Argghhh.. Can't use much of my riht hand.. Tues my checkup to check on the surgery site.. Going for physiotherapy a lot of time too.. Oh gosh.. All this needs money.. Sigh.. Where am I going to find the money.. Fuck..