I can't sleep

Its already 1 plus in the morning.. I still can't sleep.. And I need to wake up early morning tmr for my new job.. Sigh.. I look into Karmilah Facebook.. Saw my son.. He's now a grown up child.. Chubby.. Fair skin.. That's how you look like my dear son.. Daddy miss you so much.. Her husband seems to treat my child as his own.. Looks like it.. From the picture, my son is so comfortable with him.. How I wish that guy was me... I guess I have to forget about Karmilah.. I don't want to ruin her happy marriage life with her husband... It's so hard.. I feel like giving up.. Arrghhhh... I'm so mad at myself.. Fucking mad at myself.. Fuck you zaman.. I've lost Karmilah and my son to him... I'm useless..