Boring and a little story about my ex fiancee

Boring day.. Going for BBQ session at east coast later with my new company.. What am I going to do now?? How's nurul?? Hopes she's fine.. I'm guessing that she and raudah must be happy being together with each other.. Happy for nurul.. Lately I've been thinking of my son and ex fiancée.. Thinking of my son, I can understand but why suddenly I think of my ex fiancée?? She's great in taking care of me... She loved me whole heartedly... Though she has bad past, I don't care... I accept her for who she is... I'm just stupid that i doesn't appreciate her enough.. She never fails to msg me no matter how busy she is.. She bought for me breakfast almost everyday coz we worked in the same department.. So sweet of her.. The times we quarrel, we argue and all shows that how much we loved each other.. She will called me out of the blue and say she misses me, she love me and stuff.. I miss all that.. Nur Karmilah Abd Karim, I wish you all the best in your life and your marriage life... Even if one day, you decide to be back with me together after you divorce, I will accept you again provided I'm not attached at that moment.. You are unique in your own way.. Out of all my ex gf, you are still the best.. You give me memories that it's hard for me to forget.. You give birth to my child.. You suffered during your pregnancy.. After you left me, I suffered.. Thinking of you everyday for over a year.. I can't accept the fact that we part our ways.. We are so closed in getting marry.. Things has plan out, stuff to buy has been planned and we make all plans together.. And you thought I don't have money.. But you were wrong ilah... I kept it all because of our marriage.. Save up for our marriage.. After we part our ways, I was so depressed, I spend all the money.. Coz I don't want to have any memories of it.. After we part our ways, it took me 3 years before I get into next relationship.. Nurul Zarifah BTE Zainal is the lady after you.. We didn't last long.. Lasted only one month.. But it's okie la.. Not fated I must say.. I thought I have found the right lady for me to settle down.. But I was wrong ilah.. Nurul doesn't love me anymore because of my stupidity.. Nurul is now together with her Malay manager, raudah.. Nurul become lesbian all because of me.. It's all my fault.. Ilah, I really do hope one day, you will open up your heart and allow me to see my dear son.. Hari raya is coming and I will like to wish you selamat hari raya aidilfitri.. Maas zahir Dan batin.. All the best to you and your husband.. Kirim Salam pada your Kak long, along, Kak Ngah, your adik and the two lovely nieces of yours that was once close with me.. I'm really sorry that I forgot your nieces name.. I miss them too.. I still remember the times that we always goes out together... You will dress up nicely and makes me looks good.. I appreciate that.. I will always buy you clothes so that you can look great in yourself.. The time that I spend the night at your house when your Kak Ngah child passed away.. The time we watched tv together at your house.. The time we were together at my house.. The time we go out with your friends.. The time we go clubbing.. The time we spent our moments together alone.. The time i will pamper your nieces and buy stuff for them.. Bring both your nieces out together with you.. We are like one happy family... Everything ilah.. Still in my memory.. It looks like it just happened yesterday.. I tell myself everyday to be strong, to get over this and to get a new girlfriend and move on.. Every single day without fail.. Haiz.. And I'm still doing that now..