I'm outside

I cried and cried and cried.. My eyes are so red now... Reach marina square.. Just in time to watch the ndp fireworks.. Didnt know today was the ndp preview.. It was nice though... I'm sitting at the Merlin now near esplanade... I just finish crying.. My flu is getting bad.. I'm just very down and sad about nurul.. I will never get to see nurul again.. Today was the last time I saw her on the buggy this morning with her Malay manager.. Oh god... In my mind, I want to end my life right now by going into the river right in front of me.. I don't know.. Ya Allah... Please guide me.. Enlighten me and show me the way.. Help me get over this... I don't know where to go after this.. I'm lost in my mind.. I can't think.. I've written a letter to my family and nurul.. I hope my family will find the letter if I decided to go away from this world.. I hope my family will pass the letter to nurul.. I never felt this way before when my previous relationship fails.. Nurul, forgive me.. I din mean to hurt you in any way.. I promise myself not to hurt you when we first started.. I didn't expect my attitude and my doings tohurt you eventually.. I regret.. Full of regret now.. I miss the chance to be with a wonderful lady that I've ever met in my life.. Thank you once again for giving me the chance to love you and and be together for 1 month... I treasure you the most.. Be happy in your relationship now... I hope your Malay manager will give you happiness for she understands you well and always there for you.. There's nothing more for me to say now.. I prefer to keep it in me.. Just let Allah and me be the ones that knows it... Bye nurul.. I love you very much..