My mind is full of stuff

I've decided not to go for my surgery tmr... Due to some reasons.. Haiz.. Sorry my dear blog for flooding you every now and then., you are the only one that I can pour my hearts out and my thoughts coz none of my friends will find you.. I'm so mentally tired of looking for new jobs and thinking which career should I choose.. Sigh... This is not the best birthday gift for me.. 2 more days to go before I turn 28.. That is so fast..2 years time, I will be 30.. If ever I can reach that age.. Thank Allah for letting me to live up till now.. Seriously speaking, it's not good in keeping everything to yourself without sharing with any one.. I don't really talk to my family.. I don't haf a girlfriend.. My friends are so limited.. What I have now is my only best friend which I treasure him the most.. I don't want to bother him coz he's busy with his career and his girlfriend.. I'm going through a rough patch now.. My career is going down.. I'm still sad and remorseful about my previous relationship with umi.. I'm back to square one.. My colleagues are treating me like shit.. I've been controlling myself at work.. I will be ending this work real soon.. I'm looking for job in overseas as well.. To get away from every single thing over here.. If there is a chance for me to work overseas, I will grab it... I will stay there and who knows retire there as well.. That means whatever bill I'm paying here, I have to settle it before I leave.. So that I can leave Singapore with no worries.. And that means I can't get to see my son umi forever if ever I leave Singapore and work.. Sigh.. I still have time to consider about it.. Tmr I've got no plans.. Staying at home for me tmr, I'm not sure.. I may just go out and take a stroll out to somewhere.. On my birthday, definitely, I'm going out.. Even if it means I'm celebrating my birthday on my own.. I don't mind.. I will find things to do on that day.. If I got the mood, I shall get a watch for myself on my birthday.. Looking into Adidas watch.. Ya Allah, help me to get over this on my own with your help.. My bro and sister has a good career and they earn a lot.. Sigh.. My sis getting engage this year and they have bought their engagement ring.. I don't know whether I should buy a ring for umi now.. Coz her love for me has disappear.. :-( .. I am sad coz I've let a nice and kind hearted lady down and hurt.. I have to move on.. I don't want to be the one sided love affair.. I respect her decision coz I love her very much.. As long as she's happy, I'm happy for her too.. Update again later at night..