My friend sis wedding

On my way to my friend sis wedding.. Once in a blue moon I'm attending a wedding.. I'm so bored.. The tiredness I still have it.. Bills all settle except hp bill.. Will settle it by this weekend.. Although its overdue.. I don't care.. I'm financially tight every day.. I'm not going to bother about Karmilah anymore.. I'm just hoping to see my son and do my part as a father.. That's all.. But I don't know how to start... We are not in contact anymore.. Haiz... I will be working everyday except Sunday.. At least 11 hours a day.. Haiz.. Fuck... I have to.. Working part time is like that.. More hours work, more income... Haiz...

Endure the rough times

I must endure all this.. It's a test from god.. I can pull through this... With determination, perseverance and patience... Pebble a cocker spaniel has caught my heart.. She's sweet... Looks like faith.. Miss faith actually.. Hahaha.. I can't be too close to them.. I can't.. There's a reason to it.. I don't want to be so attached to them and it will be difficult to do training with them, if I have the chance to.. I'm so tired this week.. Tmr going to my friend sis wedding.. Haiz.. Tired tired..

I should give up on her

Saw Karmilah Facebook.. Her profile picture is with her husband and my son.. She still as pretty as before.. They look so happy together.. Fuck.. I should give up waiting for her.. She's happy now.. How I wish I could turn back the time and I will avoid that matter that happen on that curseful day.. Haiz.. Sigh.. Son, I'm very sorry... I need to move on.. I don't have a stable job now.. I'm facing financial crisis.. Worse time I'm going through now..I need to do my best and learn things while I can..so that I can earn money.. I'm already 28 and yet I've got no plans to get marry.. Who in this world wants me? With my state of mind in this way and my ugly personality... No girls will want to even look at me.. I'm just too tired now to go dating and relationship, to be frank.. Oh well, worse come to worse, I need to find 2 jobs.. One day job and the other night job.. I have to.. Even if it means that I have to sacrifice my sleep.. My turn will come to lead an easy life.. Everyday, I walk pass those terrace house and bungalow, I'm so jealous.. With swimming pool in their house, sports car etc.. How in the world they make so much money.. I dream of staying in that type of house.. But it can just be a dream.. I've not much time left.. I shall not behave in a low manner.. I must carry myself high up and do well in near future so that I can be successful.. I'm thinking of opening a shop, but I don't have the capital to start with.. If I'm rich, I could easily buy a land and open a shop... Sigh...living in Singapore really needs a lot of money.. No money, you will die and suffer.. When can I have my dreams of having my own animal training school.. What stops me is just basically money.. Money is always an issue.. Sigh.. Sigh..

You are still in my heart

Your name, your face, our times together are still carved in my heart and stil fresh in my mind.. That is you Karmilah... Even though you are married to some one else and you may have another child with your husband, insyallah, I will still wait for you.. I will still accept you back in my life... It's going to be 4 years soon since we broke up.. You still understand me e best and you give me your full love towards me even though along the way your love for me grows stronger.. Karmilah, I miss you.. And I miss our child too..

Going through tough patches now

Im going through a very bad times now... When is my career going to be stable?? When can I really start earning more money?? Haiz... I'm so stress up everyday.. Thinking of money, family and my career... Fuck up... I'm so tired and mentally tortured... On my way to work now.. My turn to close shop today.. So tired.. That means I will end work at 7pm... 11 hours of work... Haiz... It's ok la.. At least humphrey and Winston will be there today.. Hahaha.... Honestly speaking I really need a girlfriend now.. Someone that can be there for me.. Love me and etc... Accept me for who I am.. No money, black background and all...

Sleepy

Morning.. I'm so sleepy.. I'm on my way to work now.. I'm opening the centre today.. Have to reach by 645 am to receive the clients dog that reach early.. I'm able to open and close shop by myself.. It's so damn fast that they trusted me with the opening and closing and handling of daily cash on my own.. I miss humphrey and winston, the 2 French bulldogs from same owner.. Eh are just so cute.. With their fit body, and their ugly looking face... Hahahaha.. They make me fall in love them.. Not forgetting the rest of the dogs too.. Animal are simply the best.. At the same time I'm hoping that marine life park will call me... Seriously, I'm thinking of working in overseas.. If I do, I will have to wait till all my bills and debts are settled.. Which should be at least in 2 years time.. Have you ever heard of Malay dog trainer?? No?? I don't think so there is any.. I'm going to be the first one... Who knows tv channel will feature me and I will be known.. Hahahahaha... Son... Dad misses you so much..

Busy

Ive been busy with work lately.. That's why I didn't blog.. Now on my way to work.. I dreamt of Karmilah yesterday night... I guess she still plays a part in my heart even though I know she's married.. Well... I just have to bear with it... A lot of things happen lately... I went for marine life park interview last week.. I must pass swim test and go for basic, advance and rescue diving lesson and test before they employ me.. I hope I can go through all these test.. My shoulder is still sore and pain at times.. I didn't go for my physiotherapy at all.. Only went once after my surgery.. Haiz.. I applied as animal handler at sentosa yesterday night.. Hope they will call me for interview... I still want to work with animals and be an animal trainer.. That's why I've been applying for animal related jobs.. 3rd oct is my best and close friend rom.. I'm one of his witness.. Cool.. Can't wait for that day.. First time I'm a witness at a wedding.. Hahahaha.. Congrats bro for getting marry before me.. I don't know when will be my turn... Hahahaha.. I will still be working at this dog day care center if I get full time outside.. That means I'm going to hold 2 jobs.. I don't want to lose working with dogs.. I still want to read and understand dogs body language.. I inspire to be a successful and best animal trainer one day.. Patiently waiting.. I still miss Karmilah and my son.. Haiz..

Give me 2 to 3 years

Give me at least 2 to 3 years to be a successful dog trainer at least... I'm learning and doing research how dogs behave and their body language.. I want to train them and go into the market.. The first Malay dog trainer in Asia.. Who knows.. I can achieve that.. With hard work.. Now I'm suffering financially and all but it will be over soon.. Now I know who my real friends from the zoo are.. I still met up with my assistant manager and he's been guiding me for animal training now.. I'm so lucky to have met him.. I'm going to work hard and do him proud.. Once I establish my self as a trainer, I can charge the clients on my own.. Then, I need not worry about money anymore.. Now I'm struggling, I admit... Soon it will be over.. Me and him going into dog training business.. I can't imagine,I'm doing this... Hahaha... But insyallah it will be a success.. I miss my son.. I want to find Karmilah.. But I don't know where to start.. I don't want to regret not seeing my son.. I don't want one day, when I meet him, that's the first and last time.. I don't that to happen... Sigh...

Morning

Im On my way to work.. My specs broke.. Using tape to tape it.. Hahahaha.. Yest I met 2 French bulldogs at my workplace.., I fall in love with them.. So cute, fat and chubby.. I simply love them... Argh.. I want them... Another bulldog also there.. Still a puppy.. Total 3 bulldogs.. They played with each other and other dogs.. I'm so happy to see them play and have friends.. No doubt they see me as their playmates.. They also starting to trust me.. Yeah.. Wonder whether today I will get to see dogs that I haven't seen yet.. More or less, I can recognize some of the dogs and their name.. There's Ollie,Jacob, mellow all retrievers... Coco, mansion,humphrey all French bulldog... Happy,raffles, suki all beagles.. Marley, cocker spaniel.. Rex, dashund.. Isa, rocket, husky.. Some more... Too many.. Hahaha... My arm still sore and pain.. It's mind over body.. I can overcome the pain..

Money issue

Im fucking upset and damn fucking stress over money issue.. I cried... My brother is another one.. Haiz.. From now on, I'm going to find more money, even if I have to work 2 jobs... Day and night without sleep.. I need to help my parents financially... They decided to work again coz of my bro.. He earns big bucks as a teacher but stingy.. He forgot how my parents put him to sch and all... Argghhhh... I will not have a girlfriend or get marry in near future.. Coz of money that I need to help my parents.. I'm so fucking stress up.. My bro and sis earn big bucks every month.. Compare to me.. I should just shut up now..

Want to see my son

I want to see my son before its too late.. I don't want to see him on my death bed... Haiz.. Argghhh... Where are you dear??

I don't think I will ever get marry

Haiz.. I have a feeling I won't be getting marry..no gf.. No savings..nothing at all... I'm already 28 and yet shit has happened.. Almost all of my friends are married or already are getting marry.. Sigh.. Fuck la.. I'm so bored today...its Sunday and my workplace close.. Argghhh.. Feel like watching movie.. Step up revolution.. See how... Next week onwards, I must start saving up to pay all my bills and loans.. Fuck fuck...

Normal day

Was a normal day today,, my hand is very sore now,, due to work.. But worth it la., I need money.. Meeting new dogs and regular dogs cheer my day.. I fell in love with Jacob.. He's a golden retriever.. About 10 months old.. Handsome and innocent looking face.. Very playful and mischievous.. He stick to me almost very minute if he's not playing.. He will follow me where I moved.. I'm slowly starting to see the world of dogs.. Dogs body language and their way of communicating with each other.. It's a good thing that I left the zoo if not I won't be able to widen my knowledge.. I'm starting to develop and be an alpha male in their community.. Yes.. Some of the dogs submit to me.. Coz I behave like them and think like them too.. I always bear in mind that they don't understand human language.. So we must understand their language... Hahahaha.. Give me 2 years... Once all my hp bills contract is up,all my loans are done.. I will move to Thailand or Indonesia to do animal training.. I will stay there for long maybe.. There the economy is much lower than Singapore... I need the help of my assistant manager to achieve this.. Coz he has contacts there.. Btw, met Sarah today at north point in the morning.. Coincidencely... Chatted about zoo life.. Hahahahah.. So many things has happened.. Dont wish to talk about it..

Working

Morning.. I'm on my way to work now.. In the train.. I can't wait to see all the dogs that is coming today.. I miss them... New month new day... 10 days after I had my shoulder operation, I'm back at work... I can't wait any longer.. I need money.. Will be working without my arm sling around me.. My hand still pain but I have to endure it.. Endure and patience is the key factor...