4th June.. In less than a month, my son will turn 5 years old.. He should be in Kindergarden.. I'm hoping to meet him on his birthday especially.. I miss him though.. I've just got to wait patiently.. I've been so so busy lately.. In and out of Singapore..

I've been in deep thoughts lately for a long time... I feel I've made a right choice in letting my son to be with his mum... I believe she will take a very good care of him... But one thing which I've been yearning to do is to give both the mum and my son a monthly allowance... It's my responsibility to do so.. I don't know how to give them the money for I've totally lost contact with her... 5 years has passed so quickly... I'm glad both her and me and has made the right decision to keep the child.. And I'm proud of my ex fiancée even though shit happens along the way and we couldn't be together.. The shit that happens between me and her isn't true... I have to accept it for it's my destiny that god has created  in my life.. I just have to wait for the day to come... I will keep on waiting to see my child.. Just once it's enough for me... I just want to give him a big huge hug.. My ex fiancée has the right to keep him.... Insyallah, the day will come..

One long month since I last blog here.. I've been so busy.. Had a good rest during the Cny break.. Prawning, supper and sleep.. Hahaha.. Tmr, my child will be 4 yrs and 8 mths.. He shld be in k1 this year.. I'm wondering how he's doing in sch and his life is going on and how he looks like.. Does my ex fiancée have enough to support him with her current husband? Does her current husband treat her  and the child well? Haiz.. I wanted so much to help but I don't know where to find them.. I've totally lost contact with them.. Sigh..

Oh god.. Please give me the strength to go through this bad patch of mine right now.. I need your guidance and everything.. I'm feeling down for the past few days because of some issues.. I'm going to Bali to work and start a new life there.. I will leave everything back in Singapore..

Last day of 2013.. Tmr is 2014.. I will make decision in a few months time on whether to stay and work in Bali.. Many factors to consider though.. I will see how it goes.. Hoping 2014 to be a better year.. May the business that I set up goes on well and smooth.. It's fate I guess that I'm unable to meet up my son if ever I made the decision to stay in Bali and work.. I just have to accept that fact..

I'm back from Bali.. Reach Singapore at 1.30am today.. It was splendid the time I had in Bali.. I made new friends there from Bali safari and marine park staff.. Thanks to my former ex manager that introduce me to them.. I'm going there again end of January.. Meet up with them and maybe he opportunity to work with them in near future.. Balinese people are a very nice people.. Unlike singaporean.. Got to know this Balinese lady from Bali safari.. She's very nice and she accompanied me throughout my stay in Bali.. We get to know each other better.. We exchanged number.. I was told she is a nice girl.. So yup.. We see how it goes.. Coz I'm not planning to marry any singaporean girls.. I'm starting to fall in love with Balinese culture and Balinese people.. They are not arrogant.. Forever smiling and helpful..

3 more days before I fly to Bali.. The time has come.. Yeah.. Holiday..  My friend wants to rope me in to work at Bali zoo with her... This offer is great and definitely I will take up this offer..  Earliest is next year if everything goes well.. Hopefully I can work there and widen my knowledge and experience.. And my resume will be stronger as I've work with sg zoo, night safari and now Bali zoo if it happens.. I really miss her.. I really do.. No one knows who I'm talking about..

I'm freaking sleepy, tired and shag.. Juggling both my full time job and my own animal training company.. My own company is on the way and in the process of building up.. I've got a few clients on hand.. My close partner and I are setting this up.. Both of us are the director and in near future, once everything is plan and set accordingly, we will employ staff... I've to endure this process.. I can do it.. I want to be successful and be known in the market.. Not only in Singapore but Asia also.. I had sleepless nights, no free time, no weekends, no time to meet up with my friends.. All this sacrifices are going to be worthwhile, if this succeed.. Name card and company logo is on the way.. Thankfully, Cassandra really gives me the strength to go on.. You have been giving me motivation, support and encouragement.. There are times, I almost give up this dream of mine but I hang on and preservere.. I can do this with my partner.. Yes I can..

I've started my animal training school in Singapore with my partner.. We have got a few clients... The amount of cash the clients give me on hand was superb.. Never I've ever received such big cash on hand before.. I've got to make a name for myself and the company... Yippee... Success is on the way.. Insyallah..

My name is up in the Indonesian market regarding animal training... I'm going to produce something like animal planet for Indonesian TV channel... Yippee.. Everything is under discussion now.. Within this 1 year, if I get it, I will be moving to Jakarta and stay there till everything is done.. So excited.. In Singapore market, my name is slowly growing in the market.. Lol.. My dream is about to be realistic.. Thank god.. Cassandra is very supportive of my decision.. I'm going to do well coz I want to succeed and earn big bucks..

My mum was admitted to the hospital early morning today.. I'm going to work now and after work I'm going to visit her.. I can't afford to lose her... Sigh.. I'm going to stay strong no matter what.. I hope I can achieve success soon and give my parents a good life they deserved all this while.. Even if it means, I don't get married now, I will spend one my parents.. They are priority on top of my marriage and everything..

I miss you badly.. I haven't get the chance to see you, hug you, kiss you, hold you or give a fathers love to you ever since you came to this world.. Until now, I'm still waiting for you to appear.. I still respect your mum's decision.. I have only myself to blame for what has happened between your mum and me.. You are going to k1 next year and you have grown up.. I hope everything goes well for you dear son.. I'm hoping one day, I will be able to meet up with you even if it is from far away..

It's going to be the end of October.. And my reservist starts next week.. Hahahaha.. Looking forward to meet up with my reservist mates.. 2 weeks of reservist training then back to work..on my way to work now.. Will be ending work early today.. Will be meeting up with Cassandra after she end work.. Planning to go Seoul garden for dinner buffet and goes around for some shopping if there is need to buy anything..

What I need now is more and more experience.. Be it hands on or widen out my knowledge.. I have plans to set up my own business and that planning has already started.. Give me time and money, I will do it.. Karma has hit at my previous working place.. They deserve it.. That's what they get for doing those things to me.. I'll starting to laugh out loud now.. Serve you right.. I shall not entertain these people in near future.. Coz I know who they are and who are my true friend now.. I'm going to be successful in years to come.. Insyallah.. Cassandra is giving me a lot of moral support now to achieve what I've been dreaming all this while.. I can do it.. Way to go..

I'm happy with what I'm doing now.. My name is still the hot favorite at work.. Sigh.. I shall not be succumb to it.. I shall move on.. I'm still their best ic, that's what they claim.. I do want to help them but who's going to help me?? I have to be selfish in this matter.. I have to think for myself.. I'm standing on my own.. They can survive on their own without me.. I'm getting old and I want to venture out.. I don't want to be stuck here for the rest of my life.. Christina perri a thousand years is my all time favorite song...

Finally I'm resigning and this month is my last month.. I'm clearing leave and whole month of OCR, I will not be working at night safari.. I've got a new job.. I'm helping out my former boss.. He has passed away last month.. This is my promise to him.. And I'm going to fulfill it.. On his deathbed, he asked me to help his business and I agreed.. So here I am.. The night safari staff texted me and told me hey are saddened by my resignation.. Especially the part timers.. They told me I'm the nicest in charge they ever had and so forth.. A lot of things.. I only told them I'm leaving on my last day of work before I go on leave.. One by one has been texting me.. My life has to move on.. Cassandra, thank you so much for going through this dilemma of mine together.. Now I've got more time for you.. See you later..

My boss from my part time job has passed away on 20th sep 2013.. He was 51 years old.. He lost the battle to cancer which he was fighting for 3 years.. He came out in the Newpaper yesterday.. I will remember my promise to him.. Which is to help run his business.. I'm going to do my very best in making his business successful.. I was affected and sad abt this news.. I went to visit his wake on sun.. I'm glad that I managed to see him in the hospital twice before he left this world.. Well, life has to go on..

Fever.. I'm having fever right now.. I'm making my way to work now at my part time job.. Later in the afternoon, I'm working at my full time job.. I just gotta hang on till midnight and hope my body don't give way today.. Songs title I'm yours and don't give up by Jason mraz is one of my favorite.. Love the lyrics and rhythm.. This month and next mth pay, I'm going to save up for Bali trip.. Not forgetting my bonus in dec too.. I'm going to spend like nobody business in Bali.. For I want to enjoy like crazy.. Yea..

Air ticket booked.. Villa booked for 4 nights.. And Bali, here I come from 16th dec to 20th dec.. Very excited and finally I'm going for a holiday.. Yeah.. Had a wonderful time with her for the past 2'days.. This week can't spend much time together.. I will be very busy with work.. Day and night.. Sorry babe.. Glad that you understand my working schedule.. Will call you when I'm free k later..

As Cassandra is sitting by my side enjoying the sea view together, I decided to write this in my blog with her by my side.. In 1999, I had my first relationship.. Her name is valkish.. Lasted for 3 months plus.. In 2002, I had my second relationship.. Her name is Winnie Lu.. Lasted for a month.. In 2003, I had my third relationship.. Her name is Raihana.. It lasted for almost 2 years.. In 2008, I had my fourth relationship.. Her name is Karmilah and she's my ex fiancée.. I had a son with her.. We lasted for about two years.. In 2011, , I had my fifth relationship.. Her name is nurul zarifah.. We lasted for a month.. And in 2013, I'm having my sixth relationship currently.. her name is Cassandra Tan.. Time flies.. In 14 years, I had a total of six relationship.. Well, I'm lucky to have met Cassandra at this point of time.. We had a wonderful time these two days.. I love you Cassandra Tan..

Cassandra Tan.... The name that has craved in my heart.. It's getting deeper as days goes by.. I surprise you by waiting for you at your blk with my car to send and fetch you from work yesterday.. You looked great in the office attire.. I was astonished on how you dress up for work.. Today and tmr we are meeting... Spending quality time again.. Today I plan the outing, tmr it's your turn.. Lol.. I simply love this arrangement.. I'm off from yest to tmr.. Taking leave.. Just want to rest and spend time with my love ones.. my colleague has asked me to save up his money for him.. Coz he can't save up.. He told me on how he trust me so much and that same goes to the rest of my colleague.. I've known them for less than a year, and they are very very close to me.. I told all of them that I will be leaving the place real soon.. They are very saddened and some even wants to resign and follow me too.. Coz I've treated them like my own bro and sis and teach them a lot.. They are what they are now coz of me.. I give them opportunity to grow at work and be what they are now.. I'm going to pursue my biggest dream.. Enough about work.. I've plan a very special day for her today.. She will be touched by it.. I've never done to anyone before.. She's the first... Well well.. Hope the outcome will be good..

Thank you babe for the lovely weekend time with you.. We had continuous fun and hopefully you enjoyed it too.. We went to eat, dating and other stuff.. We are fated to meet at this point of time of our life.. We are together now.. We are treasuring each other even more.. Our love grew rapidly over time.. I'm speechless.. Have a great working week ahead of you babe.. I've told you abt my plans in near future.. That is to have my own house and be a well known animal trainer.. I'm working on it now.. And I may go overseas to gain experience in animal training.. You are very supportive of my plans.. You even encourage me to go on and pursue my dreams.. And babe, I also told you that I'm going to make sacrifices now which is to quit my full time job and help my boss running his business.. I have to help him for he has helped me a lot before.. He's not in the good health.. I'm going to join his company really soon.. People has been telling me that I will do well in my 30s.. My luck and finance will be going to change for the better.. I can see it coming now.. If I do well, I will not forget you babe for you are my pillar of strength and encouragement.. And I will also not forget to those that has been with me this period.. Babe, I will call you during your lunch break k.. I love you Cassandra Tan..

Is my luck changing for the better?? My boss wants me to run and take over the business.. He's really not in a good health right now.. I went to visit him today and I couldn't recognize him at all.. I tot I went in the wrong room but after checking with the reception counter, it is the correct room.. I cried.. Really.. I'm not joking.. He's making a name card for me and I will run the place.. I learnt a lot from him.. After he found out he got cancer 2 years ago, he's been praying to hopefully find a person that he can trust to hand over his business.. And I came in last year.. It's time for me to repay his kindness and at the same time I'm going to make my name in the market.. I can do it..

Thank you babe for giving me a wake up call today.. Appreciate it a lot.. Although, I didn't ask for it, but you did it with your own initiative... If not, I will be late for work.. Thank you so much babe.. I'm so sleepy now and I'm already on my way to work.. I'm feeling sad now coz one of the animal that I attached to is leaving anytime soon to heaven.. Anytime he can go..i must treasure him.. Sigh.. Babe, I will call you during your lunch time..

Heading to work now.. My lower back is aching though.. Hahaha... Working mon to fri and sat sun I'm off.. Going to paintball tournament this weekend.. We went to garden by the bay yesterday.. Had a lovely day together.. I love talking to her.. She's very mature and she always talk sense.. She's really my pillar at the moment.. Babe, I'm so lucky to have you in my life at the moment.. I don't know how to describe you any further as you are a wonderful girl.. I'm speechless.. Rest assured that I will treat you to the best as I can.. Love you babe..

It's nearly 11pm and I'm going to city hall to meet up with my friend.. Don't know what time I will be heading home.. New passport collected.. And Bali here I come.. 16th dec to 20th dec.. Book the villa in Bali already.. Next up is the air plane ticket.. Hahahaha.. Going to catch the cheapest fare.. 4 of us are going.. 3 ladies and 1 guy.. Lol.. Bali safari marine park is one of the destination that we are definitely going.. I can't wait to go.. I need a holiday badly.. Am so busy with work life and private life... She's always there for me and she has never give up hope on me.. And officially, we are attached.. I'm attracted to her coz of her sincerity.. She knows abt my past.. She knows I has a child whom I never met before.. She's a beauty in her own ways.. She has her flaws too.. But I accept for who she is..I believe we can encourage each other to go on.. She knows that I have 3 jobs and she don't mind if I have less time for her.. As long as both of us trust this relationship.. That's what I like about her.. She's very mature in her thinking and understanding.. She knows that, there's a small part in me that I'm still holding on to my fiancée and my child.. She understand that part of me, in terms of parents and the child relationship.. So she don't mind.. She cant bear to break family ties.. but on my part, i will make sure, i dont let her down.. for im going to treasure her the most.. One side of my job wants me to work full time with them and the other side of my job doesn't want me to convert to part time or resign.. I want to hold on to both job.. I'm stuck in between.. What shld I do??? Sigh..

Spend both my raya weekends working with little paws pet taxi.. That's my 3rd job.. Freelance driver.. Money is good per trip or rather per job done.. I'm quitting my full time job soon.. I'm moving on and I've a better offer wi higher pay elsewhere.. If everything goes well and according to my plan, I may migrate and work in Indonesia in about 1 to 2 years time.. I'm going to make my name there.. Trust me.. I believe I can.. When I came back, I will earn a lot and I will be famous in the market.. By then, everyone will come to me and be nice to me.. But I won't fall for it.. I'm going to make my dream come true.. I'm going to bring down those people that has ruin my life before.. Just wait and watch out..

Today 2nd day of raya.. And I'm already out of the house.. I don't want to stay at home today as all my relatives will be coming to my house.. I don't want to see them and I'm avoiding them.. It's a stupid thing to do and I know that.. What to do.. Will be hanging out with my assistant manager later.. Tmr I'm having lunch with 2 of my ex colleague.. We will be meeting at city hall at 1pm tmr.. Yesterday i went out..went to my assistant manager house to slack.. We had durian, ice cream and some banana pancake.. Then we went over to jalan kayu for some Prata.. Luckily I drove yesterday.. Reach home about 2 am.. My assistant manager publish a book on dog training and he give me a copy to read and keep.. I'm just waiting for the day to pass..

Today is hari raya and as usual I'm not celebrating hari raya.. Been years since I last celebrated it.. I'm on 5 days off.. Will be back to work on Monday.. I just came back.. Spend my hari raya eve discussing and learning about animal training from my ex manager.. If not this year will be the 4th year I will be celebrating raya with my son.. Next year he will be in Kindergarden school.. 3 more years he will be attending primary school.. Time flies very very fast.. How much I miss you my dear son.. Well, this thing happen for a reason.. I have to accept the fact that he's not going to be with me..

I've got myself a 3rd job.. Freelance pet taxi driver.. Lol.. Hahahaha.. The pay is not bad.. The pay is according to per trip.. It's good money.. I've calculates and I just need to make 4 trip a day, and I will earn $100 for the day.. That is 2 to 3 hrs job.. Hmm..